How to build your reputation as that ‘crazy mum’ at school.. Step 1
I call this step 1 because I have no doubt, and I have great faith that I will continue to offer snippets of amusement to teachers, principals and parents during my childrens’ schooling life.
So part 1 began today when I need to drop some papers up at my sons school
Mistake 1
I headed up to the school at 2.11pm.. after a long morning in an inspiring but tiring work turned lunch thing. In otherwords- why did I go up there when I was tired???
Mistake 2
Being pregnant- there should be something downright illegal about being pregnant the year before (or likely the year of) any of your kids starting school.. you are WAY more emotional, tired, cranky and sillier than normal
The reputation builder part 1
ME: I was wondering if the meet and greet with teacher and the classroom happens while the parents are present or are the kids separated from is
NICE LADY BEHIND THE ADMIN DESK: separated
ME: Are you serious?
NICE LADY BEHIND THE ADMIN DESK: Yes I am
Me: Well thats a bit harsh don’t you think
NICE LADY BEHIND THE ADMIN DESK: Well thats how we have always done it
Me: So you mean we aren’t there at all
NICE LADY BEHIND THE ADMIN DESK: No- they go into the class with their classmaters and the teacher by themselves
ME: Well I dont like that at all- there must be an alternative
NICE LADY BEHIND THE ADMIN DESK: No not really
Me: but he has anxiety already- how do you think this is going to help him?
NICE LADY BEHIND THE ADMIN DESK: I am sure he will be fine
ME: I dont think so… * tears tears tears* infact that wont work at all-
NICE LADY BEHIND THE ADMIN DESK: Maybe I can speak to the deputy
Me: Yes I think so- because you must cater for some way in kids who you can barely get to school much less into a classroom without there mum *tears tears tears*
NICE LADY BEHIND THE ADMIN DESK: looked at me oddly..
Me: feeling freakin stupid.. (thinking at this point.. it is time to bring out the big guns)
NICE LADY BEHIND THE ADMIN DESK: I am sure we can sort something out
Me: Well good then.. and I am sorry (this is my big gun) – I am 8 months pregnant and cry at everything- really I just dont want him to be any more anxious than he is..
Me: continue to impress upon the point that tears and pregnancy are a common thing to make me look less like an idiot… *tears more tears and more tears****** idiot idiot idiot crazy mum…
Me: Leave.. feeling like an idiot..
not one of my finest moments…
The fact is I think kids go to prep TOO early- just my opinion…and it isnt prep perhaps that is what they are too young for, but the structure and expectations behind that- and as a mum I just think they are too young.. and it doesnt help having a brisbane kid with anxiety issues as well..
I worry that we expect way too much from them, to be too resilient too quickly, robbing them of their right to feel safe and secure with their mums where they belong.. boohooo to me 
4 Comments on "How to build your reputation as that ‘crazy mum’ at school.. Step 1"
Before my son started prep I was worried as he is a June birthday therefore very young. Our local Community Health Child Development Service had a “Prep readiness” course that we were able to go into once a week and the OT & child development officers assessed the kids for various aspects of readiness and separation was one of the things covered. Parents had to leave the kids with the “teacher” for an hour (we could stay or leave as long as we came back) – we usually ended up having an informal parents support group and a counselor was available to parents too. I don’t know if this program still runs or how early you need to book in for it but if you can get access to it that might relieve your stress a little!
Ngaire, I think I would have written a very similar post to this about 11 years ago when I took my then 3 year old to start her first day at 3 year old kindy… in a proper kindy that was attached to a private prep school in Melbourne – which was the day I counted as her first day at school.
I thought I would be evil leaving her alone with others and I would lose her forever into the school system. And she was a quiet, shy and nervous little girl who was really dead set against going, but the more she got nervous about it the stronger my resolve became. Because I knew, that is exactly what she needed, she needed to take this next step on her journey to make her more resilient, more comfortable in different situations and ultimately more safe for the times when I might not be there for her.
However, let me assure you, it isn’t at all like that. I am now of the belief that the main reason they “separate” mum and kids at the beginning is to actually help the kids overcome their anxiety issues as quicky and painlessly as possible.
My daughter wasn’t too happy about going into the “classroom” on the first day, she hid behind me and wouldn’t join in with the other kids, but wasn’t carrying on… until the teacher and her aide politely ushered me and the other mums out of the door and urged the kids onto the Magic Carpet….
I left a wailing daughter who was carrying on and creating a waterfall, and then the big wooden door closed!
All the other first timers stood silently for quite some time looking at the closed big old wooden doors like in a church, knowing that our kids were behind there and we had to stay out.
I noticed how some of the mums had bolted, I vaguely remember a few hoorays and a where shall we go for coffee. One of the old hands stayed and when we were able to compose ourselves she very wisely said… You know they only cry when you are there. As soon as you are gone, they settle and start enjoying it…. It was tempting to go look in the window, but we all resisted the temptation to make things worse if they caught sight of us.
When I returned several hours later to pick her up I was greeted with a beaming little girl who clearly had had an amazing day. What a relief. After that, we did occassionally have a few days when separating was harder, but mostly it was easy. I noticed that the kids that carried on the most were those who’s mums found it hard to leave. We quickly got into a routine of how to say goodbye, nothing too dramatic, but enough to satisfy both our needs.
I made a point of being the Mum who stayed on the first day, to reassure the newbies it would all be fine when my second daughter went to school for the first time, because I never will forget how terrible I felt that first day.
Being pregnant and emotional makes it harder, for sure, but kids pick up your anxieties and they will play to that. When you talk about going to school with them make sure you are strong and positive about all the good things. If you don’t sound convinced yourself, they will pick up those vibes.
You need to believe that the teachers are kind, that the kids will have fun, that school is a good environment. If you truly don’t have faith in the teachers or the school/school system, then you perhaps need to consider alternatives.
Through both my girl’s entry to school, I can only say I remember one child who cried and carried on all day, day after day (she did in fact have a fairly good reason, she had a debilitating skin condition). That girl is now an extremely well adjusted, good at studies and excels in every sport I know that she participates in! She stayed in school from the beginning and her parents persevered and so did the teachers and other kids in the class.
I also found that the so called structure of school, was no where near as oppressive in these younger years as I feared. In fact I remember asking the kindy and then prep teachers about when they were actually going to learn something!
WOW – didn’t mean to write an epic, I hope you take this in the spirit it is intended. This is the first of many “firsts”. My eldest is just about to turn 15 and I still find there are “firsts” happening all the time, and I still get apprehensive, but I always put on a brave face for her, because I know that making her think about the downsides, or negatives is not going to help her in the long term. Enjoy the next part of your journey.
Annie
I feel your pain, i am currently contemplating daycare next year and the though just brings tears to my eyes. I feel that we as mothers are expected to just be ready to let them go off into the word and i as a brisbane mum am not . Boo Ngaire i hope that it all goes smoothly for you and that you get as many cuddles and special moments in as possible before the big event.
We checked out both government schools in Albany Creek before our son started prep this year. We enrolled him at one of them and then attended their prep info morning. Your experience makes me think it was the same one you were at. We arrived and they expected him to go off with someone we had met for all of 2 seconds. When does any kids want to go with a stranger that quickly and why on earth did they think it was reasonable to think they would? We ignored the strong suggestion that we make him go with the group of kids and adult he had only just met, (never mind the minor detail that he was clinging to daddy’s leg!) and daddy went too. Unsurprisingly it took almost to the end of the session for him to feel comfortable enough to un-glue himself from daddy, and of course there were numerous crying kids whose parents obviously went along with the ‘that’s what we’ve always done’ attitude. Along with being told that there was no option to stay with him in the classroom in the first few days of school I was also told that there would be ‘tea and tissues’ for the parents in a separate room! Suffice to say that we then checked out the other government school, and then enrolled him there. We were pleasantly surprised to hear that their meet the teacher sessions involved parents and kids in the room together in small groups. The teachers aide was in the room to do activities with the kids while we chatted with the teacher. This school also had multiple intro sessions, with one at this time of year, and then another one in the week before school started so that the kids had a very recent positive experience in their classroom with their teacher (and parent) before arriving on the first day. The deputy principal and the teacher were very receptive to our separation concerns. The classroom teacher opens the door about 15 minutes before the bell rings, and encouraged us to be there then so that he had plenty of time to unpack his bag and do an activity with us. When the bell rings it’s then time to pack up the morning activities, kisses, hugs and “have a fun day”, then parents go and kids start their morning. For ‘most’ of the kids, and fortunately for us ours as well, that settling in time worked well. We were very pleasantly surprised
Having a teacher and teacher aide in the room also means that the teacher aide can help with kids that are a bit upset while the teacher continues the class. So much better than the other school’s approach. We think that starting school should be a positive experience, not an outdated “that’s how we’ve always done it” everybody crying experience. More than happy to name the schools if that’s allowed here?
Thanks for reading. As you can see it’s something I feel strongly about.
ps Great comments from Annie.