My kitchen DOES NOT rule: by a woman who hates cooking

There is one downside to having children — they need to be fed and fed often for the next, let’s see, EIGHTEEN YEARS at least. *sob*

For many women, this isn’t a problem. However, I’m convinced I’m not a lone wolf in my wolf pack saying I *hate* cooking. Loathe it.

Why?

I don’t know. My mother is a good cook and raised us on solid dinners of beef stroganoff and apricot chicken and tuna mornay and steak and vegetables. Typical family meals of the 1980s. My sister is a gourmet-ingredient kitchen-loving whizz. My sister-in-law even more so. My mother-in-law is a walking CWA recipe book. My husband is a far superior cook to me (and by ‘far superior’ I mean he doesn’t burn chops and set off the smoke alarms). #proud

I’m hardly at a loss for mentors or inspiration but quite frankly, there are so many other things I’d rather be doing than thinking about food and preparing meals, and it’s dinners that are really the rub for me.

Breakfast – fine.
Lunch – can do.
Packet cake mixes – absolutely.
Dinner – blurgh!

When I’m asked the dreaded question “what’s for dinner?” at any time before 4pm, this is what is likely to happen:

My kitchen does not rule.

Pete and Manu would run screaming from my table, I’m sure of it.

When presented with dinner (normally meat and vegies), my four-year-old daughter will slowly sink her head onto the table and whine as my 16-month-old daughter promptly throws her dish to the floor and points to a banana. Today, my husband requested I don’t attempt experimental recipes on our family when I suggested a “mince-y, tomato-y, shallot-y thing for dinner” — which is big coming from him because he’s a human insinkerator who will eat anything and everything. (And never puts on weight, which is super annoying. I’m pretty sure he’s got worms.)

Do I blame them? No, not really. After all, check out what I made last week: meatballs that looked like eyeballs. They’re not terrifying at all for two young girls, are they?

 

(I tell you what, I was —————- this close, THIS CLOSE —————- to chucking them in the bin and cracking open the box of biscuits.)

This is where you come in, dear parents. When I cook, I want the easy way out and I make no apologies. I want short-cuts (mmm, bacon) and quick tips. I want to get in and out of the kitchen as quickly as possible.

Can you please help me out with your burn-proof, failsafe, remotely tasty recipes? 

PS. And if not for me…